When it rains it pours, as they say.
These past few weeks have been strange and difficult in ways I had not predicted. Again my family has continued issues, but hopefully resolution is coming. In a way our lives will always had a scar but in my experience scars show you have actually had experiences and gotten to feel life a little bit. And they serve as a reminder that life is not always kind.
I am a bartender/cook and an IT assistant. Two jobs. Two kind of crappy jobs. Steps is how I see them. Merely rungs on a ladder. I owe a lot of money and no task is truly below me. Trouble is I ought to be putting my time in elsewhere. I ought to be picking out grad schools. I ought to be building a portfolio or working in a lab or writing my own research. Not worrying about next months rent.
So at least within reason, I am going to keep working. But the struggle is mental. I am struck repeatedly each day with the gravity of my family's flaws and the inadequacies that I may possess.
I feel like I am smart enough to do science... but my skill is more in design. I need to show myself and other people that that is where my skill is. I know art, architecture, and design is something I can do... I just need to get out and DO it
Mental note: Anish Kapoor
No comments:
Post a Comment